10 Things, Boss Man, 10 Things

Dear new Boss Man, here are some things you ought to know about me.


10- When I wrote on my resume I was night manager at my last job, it meant they left me alone to direct myself around after dark.

9-I giggle out loud every time I here the word "penile."

8-During my interview process, I ask all the applicants two questions.
1) Do you have a tattoo? 2) Do you want one?
Then I whip out my inkin gun I jimmy rigged out of my computer motor (thank you academy for teaching me how) and sell my black market body art. I'm really good at Cripts, Native Pride Warriors, and MS 13 tags. But I really enjoy tatting Bloods on the Vice Lords and vice verca.
I make good money AND get to watch the throw down that ensues.

7-My left boot is now named Jewel and my right Butt. Both of their last names: Kicker.

6 Every day I try bribing the ICS with food stuffs to get me my own teaser. I'm willing to go as far as the Thanksgiving pudding cups if I can zap someone. (Oh and it's going to be one of those damn stubborn ICS agents that's going to fry first when I get one for keeping me from my fun.)

5-I use the warden's name in vain.

4- I spent my time at academy fantasizing about the male nurse that droned on in front of the room for a good part of the day in a strangely falsetto voice of the dangers of blood born pathogens. I pictured him dressed up as Lisa Minnelli. He so could have pulled off an evening gown and a feather boa had he a martini glass and a little mascara . I bet myself nursey did a mean impersonation of a heart broken lounge warbler in front of the boys in the infirmary. That and I thought about toast.

3-Oh like hell in a hostage take over am I "going to assume my role as a hostage and act accordingly." Protect the general public? No. I'm jumping in the dietary truck and rammin the gate. Razor wire. Gate. And I might just take Wasson with me. Dude makes a mean dirty rice. Good to know on the outside, when we are hiding out in Mexico.

2-At lunch time when the warden does his face time front and center up by the guards cage and watches the inmates going through the serving lines eating, he wants to see me "work" the room. He would like me to listen to the inmates feed back, so he does not get kites of complaints. Those randy guys don't want to talk food to me. So I walk up and down the serving lines behind my workers and whistle "Chain gang". He wonders why they glare at him.

1- You had me at "all male."